Aaaaaaaarrrrrrgh.

I was so happy at home. Life sucks. KGP sucks. I miss you mom and dad.

When you get up in the morning, you dream of a day. Dream of a day you’ve never had in KGP, one you know you’ll never have. Seen enough of these days to justify Murphy’s Law. But, am Human - cannot help. Tomorrow I’ll wake up again.

But at the end of the day, when you come back in reflection, what stands out is a long, ignorant night. Things I might have done but didn’t. Things I did, and their futility. You make compromises, make them everyday, but to no avail. What started out as a perfectly happy day ends with me sulking. See, this post is a testimony. I am sulking. Primarily because I do not care to, or do not have the time to study. Yes, at the end of the day that’s all that matters in KGP, and in life for that matter. How much you've studied, that’s what keeps you happy. Looking around, the only people who are carefree, who truly are happy are nehlis. They are satisfied, I am not. Secondly, because my parents deserve better than to see their son going down the drain. Thirdly because she deserves a fair deal, something which includes more of me and less of this painful separation.

Maaroed two nights out, worked hard to learn Photoshop and Corel. By morning, made the thing dad asked me to. Dad Happy, Me happy.
Afternoon.

Lunch with her. The three words cropped up. Said them from the depths down there. She’s Jubilant. I’m Happy.

Went back, got screwed for not being there. Captain’s happy. I am subdued because I had been happy. You work your ass off and then you crack it. They still want you there. Until you can’t feel it, keep working. ‘Everyone did’ is the statement of common enmity of at least a hundred fellow members of the jungle every year now.

Basket Ball. The one thing that kept visiting my dreams for sometime. Today, basket ball was a night-mare. Played and played. Stood still, but was still playing. Didn’t get the ball once you see. Now I am positively disaster-struck. I’m Retiring from the professional circuit tomorrow.
Night.

Go to this meeting I have so been looking forward to for so long. Guys there love me. And so do the gals. But how does it matter. Primary today not-for-the-first-time I felt Stifled, and rightly so. I mean, we were taken up for a responsible job. I haven’t seen head nor tail of that work. Life sucks.

Probably I shouldn’t be sulking anymore. I might just cry. I’ll wake up again tomorrow. Wake up to a new day. But till then…Am human – cannot help. Tomorrow I’ll go back to sleep again.